Aug 10 2008
Rewarding Children for Expected Behavior
This isn’t something I normally do. Honest. It really grates my nerves when someone says, “You should give him X for cleaning the table” or some other such nonsense. Bottom line, I have a real issue with rewarding Jerrett for things that should be done anyway. However, I am at the end of my rope.
Here’s the thing. Jerrett really enjoys playing video games. So much so that he’d really rather do that than anything else. In fact, asking him to stop doing it usually ends up in a mass emotional explosion with tears and the whole nine yards. Overall, Jerrett is a darn good kid, when he’s not over stimulated by outside sources. Take, for example, our visit to Texas. When Jerrett was outside playing, he was awesome. I’d ask him to do something and he was very happy to do it. He was just different. But here, where it’s 2000 degrees during the day, he can’t go outside and expel excess energy, so what we’re left with is gaming for fun and a massive attitude problem.
So - here is what we’re trying this week - and we’ll see how it goes. We’re going to try to have him work on the ‘earn’ system. He can earn computer/XBox time by doing the things we expect him to do. Such as keep his room picked up (not clean, just picked up) take the trash out, unload/load the dishwasher as needed, pick up his clothes when he showers, remember personal hygiene tasks and provided he does all of that without a big massive emotional blow up, he can earn extra time for ‘good behavior’.
Will it work? I don’t know. I am just at my wits end. He’s getting older (13.5 years old) and he’s getting a mouth on him. He’s become so disrespectful in addition to just not ever really wanting to do anything that I ask, regardless of the task. The bottom line, he never wants to NOT play video games I think, so we need to figure out a way to get him to not play them.
I am going to try to take him to Bookman’s this week, so maybe he can get a few books to read. He enjoys drawing, so maybe we’ll stop by the craft store or something. He’s really a fantastic artist…and he’s so creative.
Ok, anyway, what I was wondering from all of you parental readers is, do you do something similar? Do you find that rewarding for expected behavior works?
I don’t know what else to try - so I am open to suggestions!
Hey,
I well and truly sympathise with you! I won’t name anybody specifically, but Matthew (oops!) was the same.
At one time I offered him $20 to take out the garbage and empty the dishwasher in under 3 hours, but I was safe, cause it STILL didn’t happen!
OK, it did finally happen, but only after much wailing and crying. Afterwards, Matthew said he would pay me money to not have me do that anymore…
Now, he is in his own place and judging by the HUGE wicker basket full of shoes at his front door, I think we are expected to remove our shoes as we enter. HAH! I just slope right in.. bringing whatever debris my shoes have gathered on the way. What’s that smell?
Anyhoo, it will very likely change, but not likely until after he is paying his own rent and bills.